Mother’s Day

The meaning of Mother’s Day has evolved with time for me.

As a child, I would celebrate Mother’s day with my adopted family, grateful for a wonderful Mom and family that loved and cared for me.  But what I hid was the sadness.  Longing for my Birth Mom when I should just have been grateful.  I felt so ashamed.  So I hid my sobs into the pillow at night, hoping no one could hear my ungrateful tears.

The day I reunited with my Birth Mom, I understood what a Mom was.  I honored the role my Birth Mom played in my life, giving me life and doing the best she could.  But I realized who my real Mom was.  It was the one that raised me, by choice.  The one that took on raising a 10 year old with an unknown past.  The one that had to teach about a menstrual cycle to her daughter who didn’t speak English.  The one that had to deal with a feisty, too independent little girl with a mouth and attitude to match (sorry Mom!).  The one that taught me about family values and home cooked meals.  I called her from Korea right after I had reunited with my Birth Mom because I understood who she was for me, finally.

The day I had my son, my meaning of Mother evolved once again.  I had empathy and understanding for my Birth Mom that wasn’t possible until I became a Mom myself.

Working in the field of foster care, my evolution and understanding of Mom has deepened even further.  I watch women become Mom to children who they don’t know, who wipe the kids butts and tears as they linger in the process, who don’t have a say in any of the process and then tearfully give them back to a Mom or situation that might be unstable.  They get their hearts broken over and over again, and yet they do it anyway because that’s what a Mom does.  Or the Grandmother who took on raising her grandchildren because her daughter can’t or won’t.

Above all, I realize that Moms are all around us.  It is not just a title we give someone, but the experience of them.  It is someone who nurtures you, cares for you, looks out for you, loves you unconditionally.

So on this Mother’s Day, I honor all Moms out there.  The ones with official or unofficial titles.  Happy Mother’s Day!!