School

I graduated high school in 3 years.  It wasn’t because I was extra smart or a good student.  But I possessed something even better, determination.

I stopped going to school in the 4th grade in Korea.  During my year stay at the orphanage, I didn’t go to school.  When I was adopted and came to America at age 10, I started 4th grade again.

I remember starting school at Harelson Elementary.  I didn’t speak English so they sent me to an ESL class at a nearby school.  In the afternoon I would ride a big yellow bus by myself to and from the ESL class.  I felt so different, an outsider, a freak.  Now as an adult I can see how wonderful it was that I had these special accommodations to help me with my English but of course you couldn’t see that as a child.

I learned English within 3 months.  By the time I got into Jr. High, I was in an advanced English class.  I recall how incredibly proud I felt when my teacher found out that I had only been speaking English for 3 years and was in her advanced class.

High school was especially hard for me for many reasons.  My feeling of being an outsider  heightened even more when my friends would complain about their parents not getting them Guess jeans for Christmas and my response was, “be thankful you have parents” or “be thankful you have a house and eat everyday!”  Of course those kids had no idea what to say back.  Growing up in Korea in poverty, those were luxury items that I didn’t have.  My biological Mom was not in the picture and my Dad was always gone on a drinking binge.  I spent most of my childhood alone.  And I regularly had days without food.  My life experience got in the way of me being a “normal” teenager.

And of course home life was hard too.  My issues of abandonment, low self-worth, combined with being stubborn and rebellious was a struggle for my parents.  So when I went to them to say I wanted to move out, they told me I couldn’t move out until I finished high school.  That gave me the motivation I needed to graduate high school in 3 years.  I took summer school, zero hour and got special permission to skip lunch period to take an extra class.  I graduated with Cs and Ds but I graduated my Junior year!!  I didn’t go to graduation because it wasn’t my class.  My sense of not belonging won.

I moved to New Jersey when I was 20 and it took me 10 years to receive my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.  I worked 2-3 jobs while attending school part time to pay for school.  I didn’t go to my graduation ceremony because I went to night school and I didn’t know anybody at school anyway so why bother (now I realize how silly that was!).  I remember the day I went to the post office to get my diploma.  Opening that large envelope, I didn’t know it was my diploma, but the moment I saw it, I started crying.  The tears flowed so heavy I couldn’t see or breathe and I was so embarrassed.  Those tears were one of joy and profound pride in my accomplishment because I truly did it on my own.

Fast forward 15 years…

In 2015 I embarked on my Master’s degree.  After having kids and being out of school for so long, and uncertain if I had the memory capacity to go back to school, I started anyway.  Two years flew by and in December 2016 I received my Masters degree in Training and Development from University of St. Francis.  I picked that school because it was one of the few online Universities that offered the degree program I wanted, plus they didn’t require a high GPA (again, reaffirming that I am not the smartest lol).  I didn’t think about the fact that if I wanted to go to my graduation ceremony, it would be in Joliet, Illinois in winter.  But I wasn’t about to miss out again on another graduation ceremony.  So off I went to Joliet in the middle of a snow storm, by myself.  Yes of course I cried like a baby when I got my diploma, sitting alone in the hotel room and letting it all in.

Tonight I went to my oldest son’s senior preparation meeting at his high school.  Hearing about all the things we have to do to get him ready for college, I was reminded of my college experience.  I had no one to push me, guide me or support me.  It wasn’t easy and I wanted to quit many times.  But I didn’t.  And I am so grateful that I have the determination to go after my dreams and goals on my own terms.  That’s something you can’t learn in college.